I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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