TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I have aggressive nipples.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
