My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
