It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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