He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I believe in your delicious
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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