you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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