bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
