pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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