Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
