Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize