my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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