jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
