Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
