shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
