Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I got inside last night via doggy door
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
