i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
