yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize