I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
