Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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