tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
