also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
