My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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