well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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