capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
