Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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