I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You can't special order awesome
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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