your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i jhust puked up my retainher.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
