help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
