$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
