"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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