P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
