i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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