Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
