I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
