He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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