There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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