I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
