I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I am available for nakedness
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
