I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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