I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
