How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize