So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
