i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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