i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
