I heard we made out
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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