I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
