the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
