i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
