Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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