Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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