broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
