Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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