i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize