No awkward lesbian experiences without me
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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