he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
