Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
