She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
