shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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