I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just blew my weed a kiss
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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