I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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