So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
