you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
