he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
one might say we're banned from that church
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize