3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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