Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
