So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Send help, water and tortillas.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
